The Meals of Consolation and why....
Biblically Ordained
The traditional meal of consolation (Seudat Havra-ah) is served immediately after
returning from the internment. It is usually provided by neighbors, friends and relatives of the bereaved. This basic courtesy is considered so important that many religious authorities maintain that it is biblically ordained. In biblical times, Rabbi’s were said to have chastised neighbors of bereaved persons when they had to prepare their own meals.
Psychologically Uplifting
When friends and neighbors provide the meal of consolation, it shows the bereaved family that others care about them and their well-being during their time of sorrow. It also sends a message to those who mourn that the provider of the meal is not simply an onlooker, but one who feels close to the bereaved and truly shares in their sorrow.
For the provider(s) of the meal, there is also a psychological implication. For them, it is the good feeling of knowing they have performed of a good deed which is referred to as a “mitzvah”. It is said that a person who performs a mitzvah receives a blessing from God.
When Served
Immediately upon returning from the funeral and before entering the home where shiva (period of mourning) will be observed, two rituals are performed.
1. A container of water and paper towels are placed at the entrance to the home. All of those returning from the funeral will symbolically wash their hands before entering.
2. A large candle provided by the funeral home) is immediately lit. This will burn for the entire seven days of mourning.
The foods for the Meal of Consolation should be set on the table before the mourners return from the funeral. It is served immediately after performing the ritual washing of the hands and candle lighting. It is almost always set up buffet style but the immediate family of the deceased should not be required to serve themselves. The mourner’s food is prepared on a plate and brought to them by others. Serving the mourners (by providing the entire meal) is symbolic of offering “the sustenance of life” after a death has occurred. All others who partake of the Meal of Consolation may serve themselves except as a courtesy, younger persons may serve the elderly and those unable to serve themselves. (The mourners do not act as hosts or serve others.)
The Table
A bottle of Kosher wine and other spirits are made available for those who wish to
partake. Several foods are required. Hard boiled eggs are always served. The egg symbolizes life itself and reminds us of the fact that the cycle of life continues after the death of a loved one. Bread in some form (rolls and bagels) is also required. It represents “the staff of life”. In addition, herring in some form is served, also as a symbol of life.
The Meal of Condolence itself usually consists of dairy (milchig) foods rather than meat (fleishig). Meats and delicatessen can be served but these items are usually reserved for other meals which will be served during the seven days of mourning (shiva).
In addition to the eggs, herring, bread, rolls and bagels, a variety of cheeses are included. Regular cream cheese and its variations such as scallion, pimento and relish cream cheese are usually included. Swiss, cheddar and meunster cheeses are also served.
A variety of smoked fish such as whitefish, salmon(lox). Nova Scotia salmon, kippered salmon and smoked sable have become traditional. Fish salads such as whitefish salad and herring salad are also served.
Other salads such as cole slaw, potato and pasta salad and fresh vegetables (health) salads as well as relishes and olives are included.
Another item which has become traditional is Kichel (bow ties). Other baked items include sponge and honey cake, miniature pastries and cookies. Beverages include coffee, tea and soda.
Other meals
During the seven day period of mourning, other meals may be sent to the mourners. Food is also made available to those who visit to pay their condolences. Daily religious services (morning or evening) are often held in the home of the bereaved and light refreshments are usually made available at the conclusion of the service.
As a change from the initial Meal of Condolence which is traditionally dairy, meat (fleishig) foods can be served during the shiva period. (Meat and dairy food are never served at the same meal.) Kosher delicatessen platters and trays of prepared sandwiches have become standard fare in addition to hot cooked Kosher meals which can be brought into the home or prepared in the home. During the seven day period of mourning, foods may be carried into the home but food is not removed from the home.
ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS..
Q. Must the food be Kosher even if the family is not strictly observant?
A. It should be Kosher. While not all Jews strictly observe the Laws of Kashruth, many do. In addition, relatives and visitors to the home of the bereaved may be strictly observant. They cannot partake of the food it is not Kosher.
Q. If I am not Jewish would it be appropriate for me to send a condolence platter or meals to a Jewish friend?
A. Yes. In fact, it would probably be the most appropriate thing you can do for the bereaved. In your faith, flowers are probably the norm. Not so for those who are Jewish.
Q. Can’t I simply send flowers:
A. Flowers are not appropriate for a Jewish funeral. The custom of sending a condolence tray or other food gift to the home is more appropriate and welcomed.
Q. Since a large condolence tray would cost more than I wish to spend as an individual, would it be alright if it were sent by a group.
A. Yes, A group of co-workers, neighbors or friends, can share the cost. A card will be included listing all of the givers.
Q. Can I bring a food gift with me when I pay a condolence call?
A. It is perfectly alright to bring the gift with you during the Shiva (seven day period of mourning).
Q. If I know that others are already providing condolence trays, what can I do without duplicating their efforts?
A. You might have a hot dinner meal (for any specified number of persons) sent to the home during the period of mourning. The Shiva period lasts for 7 days after the funeral and your meal of condolence can be delivered on any of those days. You may also want to check with the funeral home to find out how many days the family is sitting Shiva. An appropriate basket of Kosher snacks, delicacies, fresh and dried fruit, cake and candy can also be given.
DELI-KING of LINDEN
Call us at 908-925-3909 for FAST FREE DELIVERY- Open 7 days a week!
Condolence (Shiva) platters and Hot Kosher Meals delivered anywhere in New Jersey
Traditional Kosher After-Funeral Meals of Consolation
In time of bereavement, call Eddie Levy at (908) 925-3909.
Deli King of Linden will expertly cater this traditional meal providing all of your requirements. We include all traditional foods as well as all other menu needs. Our delivery will be unobtrusive, courteous and on time.
If you require serving help and/or clean up help, we can provide it.
DELI-KING of LINDEN
628 W. St. Georges Ave.
Linden, NJ 07036
(908) 925-3909
Open 7 Days a Week including Mondays!
Our hours are 9 A.M. until 8 P.M.
We Deliver Anywhere in New Jersey
